Friday, September 25, 2009

Seed Bank

With the election of our racist Muslim President, Drudgereport's previously merely-unhinged advertisements have transmogrified into full-on demented fever dreams. Case in point: a world-gone-wild seed bank with enough seeds to plant a full acre "crisis garden."

Think about it. The year is 2011, and a drooling gaggle of mutant commies are slouching across the fallow fields toward your now-illegal private property. You've stocked up on enough crossbows and lacrosse pads to fight them off, but have you thought about where your next meal's going to come from? Of course you haven't, you fucking, fucking idiot.

That's where this here seed bank comes in. You just sprinkle some seeds (grown by "small, fiercely independent farmers," i.e., vicious halflings) over genuine American soil, and next thing you know, your multiple wives and children will have a veritable horn-o-plenty jammed into their awful, insatiable maws.

Other points of interest:
  • Provides insurance against a "belligerent lower class demanding handouts"

  • The seeds are grown "in remote plots, far from the prying eyes of the big hybrid seed companies"

  • Seeds are kept fresh by "a very expensive desiccant"

  • Unlike today's hybrid seeds, these were "created by God"

  • "Indestructible Survival Seed Bank Can Be Buried To Avoid Confiscation."
Thanks, and have a great Rapture.


Galspanic said...

Give me a meat bank, and I'll give you a ten out of ten.

kamapuaa said...

Gals: I think the closest you're going to get is tactical bacon:

Heeero said...

Boy, won't they feel silly when the world goes kablooey in 2012!