Monday, December 22, 2008

Merry Bat-Christmas, Everyone!


Now that Mr. Pony's got me thinking about Batman, here's a bit of special christmas glee from the least grim period of the dark knight's history.

If you can't trust Santa, who can you trust?

15 comments:

Mr. Pony said...

More parenting crap: I'm having a real hard time doing this Santa thing. It's gateway faith, guys.

Ruby Tenneco said...

What are you, one of these 'Happy Holidays' fascists? Santa died for our sins, Pony!

Lungclops said...

children yearn for faith, pony. for a while, i was jealous of those kids whose parents had lied to them about santa (me being jewish, it was never an issue)--how cool it must have been to actually believe in that jerk! but recently i've realized that i believed in some equally outrageous lies, and you know what? it was super! like that time at summer camp when our counselors tricked us into a moonlight snipe hunt (a snipe is a six foot long, hairy lizard whose meat tastes like chicken). okay, so that was a short-lived exercise in faith, but it really put the zap on my dopey, tapioca-consistency brain.

Mr. Pony said...

I have been dropping some factoids about Santa Claus, actually; I've just been prefacing them with "The Americans believe..."

Fugu said...

I agree with Lungclops. There's nothing wrong with some fantastical thinking at that age. Turbo already believes in talking cars and trains, just throw in a fat, magical man in a red suit who gives out presents and level the playing field. It's more of a gateway to consumerism than faith these days, which is fine by me.

Plus, and more importantly, it will get Turbo and Old Ben Kanobi used to the disappointment of realizing they're worshiping nonexistent idols. That's probably something they should learn early, as it'll get them accustomed to a devastatingly secular reality while they have a chance to cope.

IN FACT, we should have a whole new holiday--Bubble Breaking Day--one set a side for parents to wrench the fantasies out of all little children once they come of age: By the way there's no santa, no jesus, no easter bunny, no fairies, no magic, no Matrix... But dinosaurs totally existed (they're all dead now, though), and here's a chemistry set! And then they can use the rest of the day to cry their little hearts out on their sterile, hygienic pillows.

And anyway, Santa is an invention of the Coca Cola corporation. Your kids would come out fine dude, if not a little hyper.


By the way lungclops--I just heard the Origin Story of your name. DUDE. Awesome.

Fugu said...

And you can always do it like my dad did. When he'd read us the story of the birth of Baby Jesus, he'd use a guttural, alien voice for Joseph, and this sugarplum fairy voice for Mary. Jesus was a robot. Plus, when we made a nativity scene we used this ugly green alien from a cracker jack box for Jesus and a piece of shit for the placenta. (...how come no one's claimed to have found his placenta yet? That thing would be worth billions...)

It's all in the presentation, you see. Orient them now to the big joke that it is, and they won't get brainwashed by Punahou later when they're forced to go to chapel.

Galspanic said...

Fugu......




It's Kenobi.

Fugu said...

I was talking about his evil cousin, you jerk.

Galspanic said...

Oh! Obi wan Kanobi

Mr. Pony said...

Are you guys talking about Obi Wahn Kanobi?

Galspanic said...

You mean Obi Von Kanobi? Depends on regional dialect I guess.

Fugu said...

I was typing in his native pidgin dialect. Maybe that's where the confusion came from?

Lungclops said...

isn't it strange that uncle owen tries to discourage luke from inquiring into kenobi by saying he's "just a crazy old wizard?" just a wizard, uncle owen? oh, ok, i was interested in checking into this guy, but since he's just a guy who can do actual magic tricks and stuff, my curiousity is totally satisfied now. i think i'll go play with a power converter or something.

Galspanic said...

He was probably kicking himself that entire afternoon. Then he probably got cussed out by Beru and they argued about it until there was a knock at the door.

Galspanic said...

Saying "wizard" instead of "bum" that is.